Balancing authenticity with the strategies needed to form meaningful or goal-oriented relationships can be tricky. This is particularly true for those with professional or personal goals such as leadership or public influence.
As an interpersonal communication skills coach, I use communication agility to address the delicate balance between authenticity and strategy. Communication agility enables us to adapt our communication style to different contexts and people without losing the essence of who we are. It’s about understanding and utilizing different facets of your personality to meet various interpersonal needs and opportunities. Communication agility doesn’t discount authenticity but focuses on alignment between ourselves, our goals, and our strategy.
For example, some have described a current client who is a political candidate as “too nice.” His ability to make difficult decisions when it comes to personnel matters has been called into question. They haven’t experienced his proven track record- the successful business owner, known to be “firm, but fair,” a former practicing attorney, and former corporate director of a major brand. The goal is not to encourage him to be more extroverted but to increase openness in ways that allow potential constituents to see that he has the ability and capacity to make tough decisions. By focusing on the balance of authenticity and strategy, we aim to refine his communication to showcase his existing capabilities and qualities that resonate with his leadership style.
How Personality Impacts Relationship Building
Research on building friendships tells us that personality plays a significant role in forming and maintaining relationships. Whether you’re extroverted, introverted, or ambiverted (the case for most), understanding how personality impacts our approach to relationships is crucial for personal growth and interpersonal success. This understanding can help us better navigate our social landscape, allowing us to use our strengths to foster new connections and deepen existing ones.
Aligning Communication with Relationship Goals
It’s important to align your communication style with your relationship goals. Building relationships that last and serve both parties requires understanding our communication tendencies and the type of interactions that foster genuine connections.
• Reflect on your strengths: Determine how your personality traits facilitate relationship-building efforts. Use these insights to leverage situations that play to your strengths.
• Set clear goals: Define what you seek from your relationships and assess whether your current communication style effectively achieves these outcomes. I reserve goal setting in relationships for business relationships. Setting clear goals and boundaries brings the needed focus to this situational context to achieve business goals. For friendships, I follow the flow of organic relationship development.
Flexible Authenticity in Action
Being adaptable doesn’t mean losing your authenticity. It’s about adjusting your communication to meet various situations while remaining true to your core self. Adjustment could mean being more open to sharing your thoughts and emotions in specific settings, which helps build trust and deeper connections.
• Practice situational communication: Tailor your approach based on the context and the people involved. Tailoring might mean being more direct in some situations or more empathetic in others
Embracing Vulnerability
Vulnerability is a critical component of building deeper, more meaningful relationships. It involves sharing your true self, including your fears and aspirations, which can foster a greater sense of trust.
• Share incrementally: If openness feels daunting, start by sharing small, less consequential things about yourself. Sharing can pave the way for more significant disclosures as trust builds.
Continuous Reflection and Feedback
Lastly, maintaining effective relationships involves ongoing reflection and openness to feedback. Understanding how others perceive your communication can provide valuable insights into areas needing adjustment.
• Seek and apply feedback: Ask close friends or mentors how they perceive your interactions. Use this feedback to refine your approach. I’ve done this work recently after reading Insight by Tasha Eurich.
By understanding your personality, aligning your communication with your friendship and relationship goals, practicing flexible authenticity, embracing vulnerability, and seeking feedback, you can navigate the complexities of relationship building more effectively. The aim is not to change who you are but to become the best version of yourself in all your interactions.
Lucidity Communication Consultants specializes in enhancing interpersonal communication skills. Lucidity is led by Michele Gilliam Morrissey, a seasoned educational and corporate speech-language pathologist who holds a certificate of clinical competence from the American Speech-Language and Hearing Association (ASHA). Michele is a Certified DISC Profile Analyst, P-ESL certified accent expansion trainer, Autism Spectrum Disorder Clinical Specialist, and ADHD-Certified Clinical Services Provider. Lucidity’s methodology is inherently inclusive to help high-performing professionals and neurodivergent clients engage impactfully.
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